Points of Departure: Stories Read online

  “Don’t,” says the woman who plays his wife. I think her name is Mary. She dries her hands on her apron and hurries to his side.

  I stop the tape, run it back, then play it again. “I hate this life,” he says. Then he catches sight of me and stares at me from the television. “Laura, listen to me. Please.”

  His face fills the screen. His skin is mottled with red and yellow snow that dances across his cheeks like flames. He slams his fist into the table. This time, I stop the tape before the woman can rush to comfort him.

  I play the scene over and over, watching him strike the table and cry out in anger and frustration, unable to escape. “I can’t stand this life,” he says. “Laura …” His eyes watch me from the screen.

  At last I let the movie run to the end. My father leads the miners in a strike. They triumph against the company, but my father dies. It’s a good movie, especially the cave-in that kills my father. I play that over a few times.

  At my mother’s funeral, I walked beside my father, holding his hand. I’ve seen pictures of us standing at the grave. My father looks handsome in a black suit; I’m wearing a black dress, black gloves, and a broad-brimmed black hat. The only spot of white is my face: round, pale, and mournful, with black smudges for eyes. I remember that the dew from the grass in the graveyard beaded up on my new patent leather shoes. The droplets caught the sun and sparkled like diamonds. Newspaper reporters took pictures of us, but I would not look at the photographers; I was watching my shoes. When we left the photographers behind, my father stopped holding my hand.

  We rode back home in a big black car that stank of dying flowers. I sat on one side of the big backseat, and he sat on the other. His eyes were rimmed with red and his breath smelled of whiskey.

  I can’t watch my mother on TV; she was never in the movies. I wonder what happened to her soul when she died. Is there a heaven for people who were never in the movies?

  On Sunday afternoon, the two o’clock movie is Summer Heat. I’ve seen it before: my father plays a prisoner in San Quentin who was framed for a crime he did not commit.

  At about one-thirty, I pull the drapes so that the room is dark and I switch on the TV. Instead of a picture, I get jagged lines, like lightning across the screen. I thump the side of the TV and the lightning jerks, but the picture does not return. The sound is a hash of white noise.

  It’s the maid’s day off. I’m alone in the house and panic sets in quickly. I have to see the movie. I always watch my father’s movies. I smack the set again and again, bruising my hand. I switch desperately from channel to channel. Nothing.

  I look under “Television Repair” in the telephone book.

  In shop after shop, the phone rings unanswered. Sunday afternoon and no one is at work.

  Finally, at a place called Pete’s Repair-It, a man answers the phone. “Pete’s Repair-It. Pete speaking.”

  “Thank God you’re there,” I say quickly. “My television’s broken and I have to have it fixed.”

  “Sure,” says the man. “Drop it by on Monday and I’ll have a look.”

  “You don’t understand,” I say shakily. “It has to be fixed this afternoon. My father will be on at two and”—I glance at the clock—“it’s quarter to two now. I’ll pay extra.”

  “Sorry, ma’ am,” he says politely. “The shop’s closed today. I just stopped by to—”

  Then I break down. “You have to help me,” I plead. “You just have to. My father’s going to be on TV at two and I have to see him.” I start crying and I can barely speak.

  “Hang on,” he mutters. “Just calm down. What’s the matter with the set?”

  Between sniffles, I describe the TV’s behavior. He gets my address and promises that he will come right away. I pace, watching the clock. At five to two, I hear a van in the driveway. I meet the man halfway down the walk. He’s a broadly built man, middle-aged, with glasses and curly brown hair. Over the pocket of his red shirt, his name is embroidered: PETE. He carries a toolbox.

  “Please hurry,” I beg him.

  I watch him work: removing the back of the TV and inspecting the tangle of wires inside. “Would you like something to drink?” I ask awkwardly.

  “Sure. Have you got a beer?”

  I shake my head. “How about bourbon and lemonade? That’s what I’m drinking.”

  “All right,” he says. “I’ll try it.”

  He is whistling softly as I come out of the kitchen. “You could probably just get yourself a new TV for the price of this house call,” he says.

  I nod. “Maybe I’d better get another. So I’ll have one as a spare.”

  He chats as he works, talking about what’s wrong with the set, about how much a new set might cost me, but I pay little attention. I am watching the clock, waiting for the moment I can watch the movie. Finally, at two-thirty, he plugs in the set and the picture snaps into focus.

  “Thank you,” I say. “Oh, thank you.”

  I curl up happily on the couch. On the TV screen, my father paces to and fro in his little cell. “I don’t belong here,” he says.

  His cellmate; a wiry man with a thin face and cold eyes, lies back on his bunk and laughs. “You and every other con in the joint.”

  “You don’t understand.” The screen shows a close-up of my father’s face, his tortured eyes, his square chin rough with stubble. “I’m innocent.”

  “This is a great movie,” I say to Pete.

  “You’ve seen this before?” He picks up his drink and sits beside me on the couch.

  “Of course,” I say. “Five times before.”

  “Sure, you’re innocent,” my father’s cellmate is saying.

  “You and everyone else. We’re all innocent.” The wiry man takes a drag on his cigarette then blows the smoke at the ceiling. “But we’re all stuck here together.”

  “If you’ve seen it before, then what was the big hurry to get the set fixed?” Pete growls. He is staring at me with puzzlement and frank curiosity. “You got me out here on a Sunday with a sob story about your father being on TV, and—”

  “That’s my father,” I say quickly, pointing to the TV, where my father is lighting a cigarette.

  “He’s your dad?” Pete stares at the set. “I grew up watching his movies.”

  “So did I,” I say. “I watch all his movies. All of them.”

  For a moment, Pete glances from the screen to my face and back again. “Yeah, I can see it,” he says. “You look like his daughter.”

  I’m startled. “You think so?”

  “Of course,” he says. “Especially, the eyes. You got the same eyes. I should have recognized you,”

  I notice that his glass is empty and I offer him another bourbon and lemonade. He accepts. I feel strangely comfortable watching the movie with him, “He died about a year ago,” I say. “But I watch all his movies. That keeps him with me.”

  “What a great guy he must have been.” Pete hesitates a moment, then says soberly, “You must miss him a lot.” He puts one arm around my shoulders as if to comfort me. I lean against his shoulder.

  “Not really,” I say. “These days, I’ve got him right where I want him. He can’t get away.”

  Pete frowns. “What do you mean?”

  “He’s right here,” I say. “I watch him every night.” I laugh and Pete smiles uncertainly. But he stays for another drink.

  And another. We both get a little drunk.

  I seduce the TV repairman by the light of the television, that flickering uncertain light where nothing is quite real.

  My father watches from the screen.

  The late movie is a musical. My father plays a gambler who falls in love with a society lady. Dead men and women sing songs about love, and Pete’s snores blend with the music, a rumbling bass voice. A vigorous chorus startles Pete; he wakes and blinks at me myopically.

  “You okay?” he mumbles. He scratches his head sleepily, waiting for my reply.

  “I just can’t sleep,” I say. “It
’s okay.” He struggles to a sitting position on the couch. “It’s my snoring,” he mutters gloomily. “I’m keeping you awake.”

  “No,” I say. “Not at all. I just don’t sleep much.”

  He sighs and pushes a hand through his hair. Half the curls stand on end. The curly hair on his chest matches the hair on his head. “My ex-wife always complained that I snored like a freight train.”

  I study him with new interest. Knowing that he has an ex-wife who complained about his snoring somehow makes him more real. He is naked and that suits him better than the shirt embroidered with PETE’S REPAIR-IT.

  On the TV, three dead women in tight, sequined dresses sing about summer nights, moonlight, and love.

  “What happened to your ex-wife?” I ask.

  “She found someone who didn’t snore and moved to Phoenix, Arizona.”

  “Do you hate her?”

  “Naw. I figure living in Phoenix is punishment enough.”

  He shrugs. “She’s got what she wanted, but she still isn’t happy. Some people just don’t know how to be happy.” He yawns and lumbers to his feet. “Want some hot milk to make you sleep?” Without waiting for my answer, he heads for the kitchen; I trail behind him. I watch him pour milk into a saucepan and rummage in the cupboards, a naked hairy man taking charge of my kitchen. “You got any brown sugar? It’s better with brown, but I guess white’ll do.” He heats the milk to near boiling, sweetens it with sugar, and sprinkles cinnamon on top. Then he fills two mugs and leads me back to the living room. “My mom used to make this when I couldn’t sleep,” he says, giving me a mug.

  The milk is sweet and soothing. I have never tasted anything so good. On the television, my father is dancing with the leading lady. Her head is resting on his shoulder and they look very good together.

  “I hate my father,” I tell Pete.

  “Yeah?” He stares at the couple on TV and shrugs.

  “Why bother? He’s dead.”

  I shrug, watching my father’s face on the TV.

  “Come on,” Pete says. “Lie down and sleep.” I lie beside him on the couch and he wraps his arms around me.

  I dream myself into my father’s movie. My father’s arm encircles my waist and we waltz together beneath crystal chandeliers.

  The ballroom’s French doors open onto a clear summer night, but the room is cold and damp. The air stinks of decay, a charnel-house stench of rotting flesh and dying flowers.

  My father and I spin together, and I catch a glimpse of the band. The bandleader is freshly dead; his body is bloated, the skin puffy and discolored. The dead musicians are in various stages of decay: a trumpet player presses the trumpet’s mouthpiece to bare teeth; his head is a skull, precariously balanced on the column of vertebrae that rises from the collar of his tuxedo. The bass player plucks the strings with skeletal hands.

  “Relax,” my father says to me. He has held up better than the band, but his corneas have turned milky white, and the hand that holds mine feels suspiciously soft, as if it has begun rotting from the inside. “Isn’t this where you’ve always wanted to be?”

  At small tables around the dance floor, well-dressed men and women talk and laugh, but the laughter sounds like chattering teeth and rattling bones. A blond woman has lost clumps of hair and her sequined evening dress hangs limply on her shoulders, no flesh to fill it out.

  “You can stay here with me,” my father says. His eyes are sunken; his smile is the expressionless grimace of a skull. “I was never a good father. I can make it up to you now.”

  I try to pull away, but he clings to me, clutching at me with soft decaying hands, staring with cloudy sightless eyes. I tear myself free and run from him, toward the open doors.

  On the TV screen, a woman in an evening gown is running away across the dance floor. My father, handsome and whole, stares after her. A lock of dark hair has fallen into his eyes. He looks handsome and charming. The dance floor is filled with beautiful men and women.

  I slip from Pete’s arms and unplug the TV before I can change my mind. The old television is too heavy to lift, so I drag it across the living room. The wooden legs make a horrible scraping sound on the Italian tiles in the entryway, and Pete wakes up.

  “What are you doing?” he mumbles.

  “Give me a hand,” I say.

  Half-asleep, he helps me push the set down the hall and out the back door into the yard. He stops in the doorway, watching sleepily as I drag the set down the concrete walk toward the pool. Near the pool, I tip it off the path. It lies on its back in the damp grass, the screen reflecting the patio lights and the moon.

  The VCR is light by comparison. I heap the videotapes on top of the TV. Then I clear the upstairs closets of my father’s clothing: white suits, tuxedos, a trench coat, a drawerful of blue jeans. A tweedy jacket carries his smell even now: a hint of tobacco, a whiff of aftershave, a touch of whiskey. I stand in the wet grass for a moment, holding the jacket and fingering the rough fabric. Then I drape it over my shoulders to keep off the wind. Pete watches, shaking his head.

  In the garage, I find the can of gasoline that the gardener keeps there for the power mower. I am generous, dousing the clothes repeatedly.

  A single match, and the heap of clothing erupts with flames. It is like the Fourth of July, like orgasm, like the moment when the monster dies, like the happy ending when the credits roll. Pete is pulling me away from the fire, shouting something. I struggle away from him for long enough to strip the jacket from my shoulders and hurl it into the flames.

  I stand in the circle of Pete’s arms, leaning against his shoulder. The air smells of gasoline, flames, and wet grass.

  I watch the flames and listen to the distant sound of sirens.

  It’s good to be free.

  Women in the Trees

  “THIS IS OUR new place,” your husband says. “We’ll be happy here.”

  A white farmhouse with peeling paint, far from the nearest neighbor. Behind it, golden hills roll away into the distance. Trees crowd closely around it, sprawling oaks that grow outward as much as they grow upward. Their leaves are small and brittle; their thick branches are gnarled and twisted with age.

  Your husband takes your hand and you stand very still, like a deer frozen in the headlights of an oncoming car. He kisses your cheek and squeezes your hand gently. “We’ll be happy,” he says again, as if repeating the words will make them come true. You hope that he’s right this time.

  That afternoon, after the movers have come and gone, you are unpacking clothes in the bedroom. You are putting your husband’s shirts in the drawers of the dresser. You place each shirt with its collar toward the back of the drawer, the buttons facing up. His shirts must be right or you don’t know what will happen.

  You look up from the drawer and for a moment you forget about your husband’s shirts. The leaves of the oak tree that grows outside the window filter the sunlight; the bare mattress of the bed is dappled with bright spots that shift and move with the breezes. You look out the window into the leaves of the tree. In the shifting patterns of light and dark, you see faces. Women’s faces, looking back at you. When the leaves flutter in the breeze, the women laugh to see you in the bedroom, worrying about your husband’s shirts.

  Your husband didn’t mention the women in the trees when he told you about the house, but then it makes sense that he would miss them. You are accustomed to watching for tiny signals that others might not see: the tightening of a muscle in your husband’s jaw, a sudden straightening of his shoulders, an involuntary movement as his hand begins to clench to form a fist. When you can see the beginnings of a frown from across the room, spotting women who live in the trees is simplicity itself.

  You hear your husband’s footsteps and look away from the window. He stands in the doorway, with one hand hidden behind his back. “Daydreaming again?” he asks in a playful tone. “What were you watching out there?”

  You lie automatically. “A blue jay in the tree,” you say. “It flew awa
y.”

  “I brought you something,” he says. From behind his back he produces an enormous bouquet of scraggly wildflowers, an assortment of California poppies, yellow mustard flowers, and dandelions. As he holds them out, yellow petals fall to the carpet, each one as bright as the spots of sunlight on the bed.

  When you take the bouquet, he puts his arms around you and kisses you on the neck. You are glad that this is a day for kisses. He sweeps you up in his arms: he is not such a big man, but you are a small woman, a frail woman, barely twenty years old and light enough for him to carry.

  He lays you on the bare mattress and kisses you again, so gently, so sweetly. You know just now that he loves you; you are sure of it.

  Your body responds to him, responds to his hand on your thigh, to his lips on your breast. His hand strokes between your legs and you moan and press yourself to him. Your body is fickle; it forgets the other times so quickly. He pulls you to him, and you cry out with each thrust, the pleasure coming in waves. Then he relaxes on top of you, and it feels good to have him near.

  You look up at his face. His expression is distant, as if he is remembering something. He is looking down at your arm. On the pale skin of the upper arm there are bruise marks, left by four fingers and a thumb. Gently he touches the injury, matching his thumb and fingers to the marks. A perfect fit.

  You push the thought away and look into the trees to see the women laughing. If he were to ask what you were thinking, you would lie.

  You have acquired the habit of lying, the habit of covering up. To do otherwise would be admitting to failure. You have failed as a wife; you have failed as a woman. Your man is not happy and his discontent is your fault. On some level, deep down where your mother’s voice is stronger than your own, you know this.

  Your husband beat you for the first time just a month after your wedding. He was angry because one of his shirts had lost a button in the laundry, and you had forgotten to sew another on in its place. He yanked the shirt from the drawer, threw it at your face, and then came at you with his fists, punching you in the ribs, in the breasts, in the belly.

  After it was all over, you lay on the bedroom floor, gasping for breath. You heard him weeping in the living room and you went to him. His face was wet with tears.